Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
