You can't motorboat a personality
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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