brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
