the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
