I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
