they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize