question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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