grandma shit on top of the toilet
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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