i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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