I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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