You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
