Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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