i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
