You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
