I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
