i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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