Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
