I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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