just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
