dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
