Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
