JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize