On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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