I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
