omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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