i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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