sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
