just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
