He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You work out of a Hotel?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
