Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
