Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
