Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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