Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
