I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
