my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize