I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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