Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
