so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
