she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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