It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
