he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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