You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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