Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can text with my tongue
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
