So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
