just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
