dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
