One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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