just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
