i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Where is the hickey?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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