Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
