that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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