When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
