I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
