theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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