if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
