he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sober January is a disaster.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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