1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
