her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want a musical about memes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
