Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
