Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
