meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
