I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
