Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize