Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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