The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
