OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
smell my finger.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize