dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
