i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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