is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
