Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
