I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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