I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
