Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
