I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
