Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
