don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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