Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
a search helicopter?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
