i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
