I want to stick my p in your. b.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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