OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
