And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
