his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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