i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize