I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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