i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
