She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
