Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
