can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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