I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
